My Hannah Girl

My kids are killing me. In a good way! Every day they are saying or doing something that just makes me laugh and laugh...Today, though, I must write about my Hannah. Yesterday, Hannah and Andrew were playing together so well. No fighting, no fussing, nothing. Hannah made the comment that she wanted to marry Andrew when she grew up, and when Chris told her that couldn't happen, she got so sad! She seriously cried as if her heart was broken. It was so sad, but so very funny. I felt bad laughing when she was obviously so upset, but seriously. It was hilarious.

Hannah has become quite the love bug lately, too. She loves to hold hands, hug, and especially kiss! When we are walking into her school in the mornings, or anywhere, really, she will hold my hand and kiss it all the way. When she gives hugs, they are full throttle, bear hugs. It's precious and wonderful, and I am trying to remember every minute because these moments will disappear far too quickly.

Potty Help, PLEASE!

So I posted this on my mommy Facebook page for our group of moms who all had babies in summer of 2008...I am having a difficult time with Hannah and the whole potty thing, and since no one on my mommy page will respond, maybe I can seek some help through the few of you who read this blog! :)
I would be calling family, friends, etc. for advice, except I still have no voice and it hurts to even whisper.
Anyway, here's what I wrote on my mommy board (its a total copy & paste):

Hannah is now 3 yrs and nearly 5 months old...and she STILL will not go potty. If the diaper is merely wet, she will take off her pants and change her own diaper/pull-up! If she's stinky, she will come and tell me or Chris so we can help her clean up. But she WILL NOT go to the potty before soiling herself. I do NOT get it. We've tried bribing (she found some adorable Princess panties and socks she went crazy for, so I bought them and told her she couldn't have them until she went potty all the time for 1 week. I know she knows better. She knows the feeling before she goes...She just doesn't care about being messy.

Chris (my hubby) is a stay-at-home-dad, and I told him that I think we need to just put her in panties, let her feel the wetness and dirtiness and maybe then she will hate feeling yucky so she'll decide to go potty. I feel like its a stubbornness issue. She just doesn't want to do what WE want her to do. He says he doesn't want to chase her around all day (plus, when she's in preschool, he doesn't want to make her teachers deal with that mess. Also, he says that, between picking her up from preschool and picking up Andrew from kindergarten, he will take her on "daddy dates" to the park and stuff, and doesn't want to deal with messes in her pants and taking like 5 changes of clothes everywhere. I see his point, but honestly, I don't think it will take that long before she "gets it."
I am off from school all week next week for our Thanksgiving break. We will be going out of town to be with my parents, but I'm still thinking I will try putting her in panties and seeing what happens. Am I crazy? If anyone else still fighting the potty issue? (Fight is the wrong word...we don't ever fight her -- that would just make her MORE stubborn! More like a mental fight in my own head...)  

Please help...Any help/tricks/ideas/support would be greatly appreciated!!

Teacher's Pet?

Oh my goodness.  My kids are just blowing me away lately with the way they're just soaking everything in and learning so much!  Andrew comes home every day telling me all kinds of new stuff, and he's just zooming through the little readers they send home.  He started on #1 (duh) in August and now he's in #7.  He always asks to read more and more every night, beyond what they ask him to read for homework.  He loves math and he's VERY good at it (makes his math teacher mama so proud!).  We make up word problems for him a lot and he answers them right every time.  Too cute.  The other night he was rolling around on the floor.  I asked what he was doing and he said, "Look, mommy!  I'm a cylinder!  I roll when I'm on my side!  But mommy, if I were a cube I would slide.  I couldn't roll if I were a cube."  Wow.
His handwriting is still terrible, but he'll figure it out.  He has a Transformers notebook that he likes to write in.  I found some websites where I could make special handwriting worksheets for him, so I printed out a lot of those.  Several people mentioned a program called Handwriting Without Tears as well, and I am looking into it.  Can't afford to buy much right now, so I'm working with the free stuff, but he's fine.  I just LOVE seeing him so excited about learning!  Makes a mama so stinkin' proud.

Hannah?  Oh my goodness.  She is a MESS.  Such a cutie, and such a stinker.  She is talking so clearly now and she's oh-so-girly.  She loves to dress up like a princess (she's obsessed with the Disney princesses), brush her hair, paint her nails, and look at her cute clothes.  She's so cute...If you ask her a yes or no question she answers, "yes uh-huh!" or "ummm...no."  Its adorable.  (Well, probably just adorable to me, but its ok.  I'm allowed to think she's awesome.)  She recognizes all her letters and loves to tell us, "R is for Rapunzel!  T is for Tiana!  C is for Cinderella!" (you get the point) when she sees them on signs or whatever.  LOVE.

I'm a teacher.  I was in school full-time for 20 years straight.  It makes my heart so happy to see my kids developing a love of learning.  Life is good.

To Hannah on her Birthday

My sweet Hannah Jane,
Today you are three years old.  Where has the time gone?  It seems like only yesterday you were resisting making an entrance into the world, forcing us to go "through the back door" to get you out.  That c-section was the best decision I ever made, but I have to admit...I was a little nervous when I heard the volume of your little voice.  I remember thinking, "wow, she's pissed!"  And I was right.  Leaving the womb was not your idea and the way you cling to me even now, it seems you're still fighting to get back in there!
You are intense and brilliant and funny and charming...You capture the hearts of everyone you meet with that gorgeous, out-of-control, strawberry blonde hair and bright blue eyes.  It seems like your vocabulary skills have exploded overnight as you now speak so clearly and in complete sentences.  The things that come out of your mouth never cease to amaze me.  I love that today, when the A/C came on in the car (and I suppose you got cold), so you got excited that it might snow.  Nevermind that its 90+ degrees outside.  You want snow, so you look for any sign of it and keep on hoping.

I love that you ask "why?" about absolutely everything.  I love how much you adore The Princess and the Frog and insist on watching it every morning as soon as you wake up.  I love how you insist upon having Toy Story band-aids available at all times (especially those with Jessie and Bullseye on them).  I love how its so obvious that you're a little nervous when you meet someone new.  (I know you're nervous because you smile with your mouth closed and start blinking a lot.)  I love how much you adore your big brother and I love the funny way you say his name.  I love the way you enjoy having so many pets to love.  (Yeah, I know we need to find homes for the kittens, but the joy on your face is so worth keeping them around.)
Baby girl, keep on being who you are.  I know we get overwhelmed a lot when we don't quite know what you want, but you are our little angel, our baby girl, and your daddy and I love you more than we can say.  Forgive us when we mess up.  Try to remember that we do what we do because we love you and want what's best for you.  Happy birthday, princess!

A Phase?

Dude...don't tempt me!

GAHHHH, Hannah has me so bewildered lately.  I don't know what the heck is going on most of the time.  She's happy-sad-happy-sad-happy-sad-happy-sad...you get the idea.  I never know if I'm coming home to a happy or VERY sad baby.  I can tell by the way Chris picks up the phone (as I call him the minute I get in the car to leave the school) whether its been a good or bad day.  She is *so* very demanding.  And emotional.  And stubborn.  Not like anyone else I know....

What??

So anyway.  The biggest problem she has lately is the separation anxiety or mommy addiction or whatever the heck you wanna call it.   When I get home its al mommy-mommy-mommy and the SECOND I try to go make dinner or - God forbid - talk to Andrew or Chris, there's a complete and total meltdown of the highest degree.  I'm currently banished to the upstairs to hide in our room because she's much happier and calmer if I'm not down there.  Gah...I want to be with my family but I don't want to make her miserable!

I feel like I've traumatized her by going to work or something.  Honestly -- it kind of makes me worry that I've scarred her emotionally by going to work!  She's great when she's at preschool and home with Chris.  Once I get home, though, she's so freaked out by my being out of her sight...I try to hold her, snuggle her, kiss her, be with her every minute I can before she goes to bed, but its never enough.  I even hold her on my lap when I go to the bathroom!  Its ridiculous.

Its as if Hannah has a bottomless love tank that cannot be filled.  The more time I spend with her, the more time she wants with me.  I feel awful for Andrew because I know he loves his time with me as well, but he's so mellow he's not going to throw a tantrum about it, therefore he doesn't get any time (at least, not until Hannah goes to sleep).  Its kind of like that saying, "the squeaky wheel gets the grease"...Its so unfair and I don't know how to make it right.  Sigh...

I'm just so overwhelmed and worried that there's something more going on with her.  Maybe its just a phase?  A phase that's been going on for more than two and a half years? 

Week In Review

Wow, what a week. 

After being housebound for a week because of snow and ice, we went back to school on Tuesday.  (Why not Monday?  MLK Day!  Can't go to school on MLK Day...)  Try to teach 6th graders after a two and a half week Christmas break, then two days of school, then another week at home.  Not fun.

Hannah had a rough week.  First of all, she is NOT a fan of anything that takes mommy more than three feet away from her.  To say she was going through a bit of mommy withdrawal when I returned to work would be the understatement of the year.  It was not fun.  On Thursday, Chris was picking up the kids from preschool, trying to get the kids and their backpacks in the car and keep the dog in the car (he likes to take Rosie to pick up the kids...they love seeing her!) when he accidentally caught Hannah's car in the door when he slammed it shut.  OUCH.  Her hand has been bruised but she is using it and it doesn't seem to bother her, so all is well.

Andrew was thrilled to return to school.  He's spelling his name and trying to read, which is exciting.  He is such a joy.  He craves mommy time so I am trying to think of ways to spend time with JUST HIM...

I finally hauled my butt to the eye doctor this morning.  Turns out I *do* need glasses.  My vision has gone from extreme nearsightedness to perfect (thanks to Lasik) to farsightedness.  I am okay with seeing things far away, pretty good with close-up things, but not so hot with things that are in between.  This is why I have headaches.  Having to focus and squint to see things correctly will do that to you.  So anyway, I am now the proud owner of two pair of glasses...a purple pair and a brown pair.  They will be ready in @ 7 business days, so for the next week I will have to continue to squint and suffer with the headaches, but there is an end in sight so that's a good thing.

I'll be doing day 3 of Jillian's 30-Day Shred as soon as I get the kids down for a nap.  After a couple of days I wasn't *as* sore, so its time to add the hand weights.  I might be hating life later, but for now I'm actually kinda looking forward to it. :)  Maybe the endorphin release will help my headache.  A girl can hope., right?

A few questions for my daughter...

After a fitful night's sleep and an early morning wake-up call by my little cupcake, I have a few questions for the child.

1.)  Why is it that you will sleep until 7:30, even 8:00 am, for your daddy, but for mommy you wake up while its still dark?

2.)  Why do you let daddy go about his business in the morning, allowing him to slowly wake up and get ready for the day, but mommy is commanded to sit rightbesideyou ("SEAT MOMMY!  SEAT NOW!") and is not allowed to get up for any reason whatsoever?

3.)  Why is it that you will go to the potty only if you are butt naked?  Why do you refuse the cute sparkly princess panties that your Mamaw got you?  They are so cute, and since you already have the mood swings of a preteen girl, can you please be a big girl and wear big girl pants, use the potty, etc?

4.)  Really?  Toy Story again?  I admit, its a great movie...one of my favorites!  At least, it used to be.  Seeing a movie five times a day, however, kinda takes the thrill away.  I dream about Buzz & Woody now.  Thanks for that.

5.)  Is it really necessary to speak yell at full volume every time you open your mouth?  I mean, since I am not allowed to be more than five feet away from you at any time, I promise I would be able to hear you if you were to ever try to speak at a normal volume.  See, we have this thing called an "inside voice" that is perfectly acceptable and able to be heard when indoors, so can we try to work on that?  My bleeding ears will thank you.

That's all...for now.  I do love you, my precious girl.  You light up my life and bring me so much joy.  Stay as sweet and strong-willed as you are, and you will do amazing things!


XOXO, Mommy

Hectic

I'm taking a minute here while the kids are occupied and Chris is frantically yelling at his football team through the TV (Seriously?  Is that something ingrained into the Y chromosome?) to...

Sorry about that.  I was interrupted by Cupcake.*
Ooh, I have an idea...Let's play a game.  Every time I get interrupted by Chris, Motormouth, or Cupcake, let's eat a cookie!  Sound good?  OK!

So...where was I?  Oh yes, I was explaining how I was attempting to blog after an incredibly hectic week.  This week was CRAZY.  Several teachers at school were asking if it was a full moon or something.  I knew the answer to that, since I drive to work while it is still dark. I saw the moon every morning this week.  It was a crescent moon (I used to call them "toenail moons.")  So...nope.  No blaming the kids' craziness on a full moon or anything like that.  They were just crazy.

After school, I was busy-busy-busy.  I have picked up a tutoring position for a child receiving hospital/homebound services.  She is actually one of my students, and is very sweet.  She hasn't been to school at all this year (we are 9 weeks in, y'all!) so we have a lot to do to get her caught up.  Its good money, and will help a lot, especially since the furlough days hit us hard this year...

Sorry, Cupcake again!  Hey, another cookie!

So, anyway, as I was saying...I am tutoring one student, and have applied to tutor at a new federally-funded after school program being started at the end of this month here in our county.  I had an interview on Tuesday afternoon and am hoping I get the job because the money is needed.  The drawback is that Chris will have the kids on Tuesdays and Thursdays from dawn 'til dusk so his mood may not be the best.  Hmmm.

But, enough about school.

My kids at home are crazy, silly, and in desperate need of their mommy.  Motormouth is 4 yrs old and still obsessed with Star Wars.  He is a peanut, like me, and today asked me if he could ride in a booster seat instead of his huge 5-point harnessed car seat.  I tried to explain that he is still little and needs to be buckled in "just right" so he's as safe as he can be...but I feel bad for him.  He's the only one in his class at school who is still in a big car seat.  He's at least a head shorter than everyone.  Doesn't seem to bother him, though...His personality is big enough to compensate for his stature.  Everyone (teachers, kids, parents) loves him to death and tells us how smart he is and how sweet.  Makes a momma proud!!

Cupcake is velcro'ed to me yet again.  How many phases of separation anxiety are there?  Whew!  Her newest thing is to climb on my back and ride piggy-back through the house.  This is now the only way I can convince her to go upstairs for a bath, go to her room for night-night, or basically do ANYTHING she wouldn't normally choose to do.  My back is starting to ache, but am I gonna stop?  HECK, NO.  Whatever works...As Chris would say, "There is no pain, there is only the Force."  (Yep, both of my guys are Star Wars fans!)

...And another interruption by Cupcake!  I'm gonna gain 10 lbs if this keeps up...

So anyway, that's what's going on this week.  Motormouth has surprised me by singing songs I didn't know he knew, reciting the months of the year, and just overall being a fantastic kiddo.  He whines and cries when he doesn't get his way, but doesn't everybody?  Cupcake is funny and adorable and just overall a delight.  Life is good.  :)

*I call my sweet baby girl Cupcake after Lydia's daughter (Rants From Mommyland) who tells a fantastic story about her youngest child who, in her words, is "a cupcake...baked by the devil."

It *might* be time for me to go back to work...

Whew!  Its been a rough couple of days.  Chris and I are getting on each other's nerves a bit.  It might be time for me to go back to work.  Good thing today is Friday!

Chris, on our most recent family outing

We didn't travel or anything over this break, but we did quite a bit.  We took the kids to the Georgia Aquarium, had a couple of "lazy days" and a couple of days just running errands with the kids.  Tomorrow we are headed to the zoo, and while it has been fun and the kids have loved having both of us here all day every day, I think it might be just a bit too much togetherness, know what I mean?  Chris told me the other day he was getting on his own nerves.  I just had to laugh. :)

I think the issue is that we have a few parenting differences and it stresses him out.  For example, he is a strict routine guy.  He stays home with the kids while I work so he has them on a nice routine.  They get up, have breakfast, go to preschool (unless its Monday), go home for lunch, go upstairs to brush teeth and wrestle on the bed, then take naps.  Hannah is usually awake by the time I get home from school, and normally Andrew is still napping.  He wakes soon afterwards, though, and we play games, eat dinner, go outside, then go up for baths and bedtime.  It works.

When I am home for school breaks, however, I get up with the kids and it totally throws them off.  Hannah wants me to sit and hold her, while Andrew wants me to play video games with him.  He doesn't normally play the XBOX in the mornings unless I am home.  This drives Chris crazy.  There are other annoying routine-crashers that drive him nuts, but let's not get into that.

Maybe its my "working mom" guilt or maybe I'm just too permissive and just don't care.  I don't know...I will obviously stop them from hurting themselves or others, and I will make sure they eat and brush their teeth, but other than that, as long as we are having fun together...I just don't worry about the details.  I know its wrong and I should stick to the routine.  I'm trying, really...I promise I am.  I just don't want it to get in the way of enjoying my kids on the few days here and there that I get to be with them.


Sigh...Andrew just came over and gave me an unsolicited and VERY sweet hug and kiss, and told me I was his favorite. :)  Who cares if its only because he's playing the XBOX...I treasure this stuff.

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Oh!  I almost forgot!  I posted a review of Immanuel's Veins (by Ted Dekker) a few days ago.  Thomas Nelson, to thank me, has offered to send a lucky blog reader a free t-shirt to promote the book.  According to random.org, the winner is Sarah Thompson!  Sarah, if you are reading this, congrats!!  Shoot me an email to let me know your address and shirt size, and I will pass along the info to Thomas Nelson!  Thanks for reading!!

OCD? Me?

I've been thinking a lot about my little idiosyncrasies (did I spell that right?) lately and wondering if I might have a touch of OCD.  OCD, in case you don't know, is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Here's just a few reasons I have for thinking maybe I have a little touch of it.  (OK, a big touch.)

*I can't let Chris fold clothes, towels, anything.  If he (or anyone else) folds any laundry, I will unfold and refold it the way *I* like it.

*I often wish Chris would unload and reload the dishwasher for me before I get home from work, but if he does, I go behind him and rearrange the dishes in the cabinets and then reload the dishwasher the way *I* like it.  Hmmm....wonder why he doesn't bother?

*I must (MUST) sweep the floors daily. I usually wait until Chris and the kids are outside or otherwise preoccupied because, as cute as it is, when the kids try to help, it drives.me.crazy.  When Chris is being sweet and tries to sweep and mop for me, I have to go behind him and redo it because its not done the way *I* would do it.

*When we are traveling (which we do fairly often, since our family all lives around 3-5 hrs away from us), I get pissier and pissier the later it gets.  (Okay, okay, this goes for ANYTHING.  I can't stand being right on time.  I want to be there 5-10 minutes early.  God forbid I am ever late for anything.  I think I would have a panic attack.)  I want to get up and out the door and get the trip over with.  If we say we are leaving at 9 am, I get antsy around 8:30 and want to get going already!  This drives Chris crazy and we usually end up bickering.  Not fun.  I have recently started trying to tell myself that if Chris says 9 am, that means 9:30 am.  This has helped with my OCD-ness and cut back on the bickering.

Recently I have noticed Hannah showing a few of these traits.  I know its normal and she is just learning about sorting and putting things in order and stuff, but when I see her line up all of her "babies" in a row (most often from smallest to tallest, but not always),  I admire her and secretly LOVE that she is showing organization skills and a desire for order, the way I like it.  I am one sick puppy.

Bathtime mostly consists of lining up her babies around the edge of the tub.

My classroom at school is immaculate and my fellow teachers often comment on how organized I am.  I tell them its because my house is in constant chaos (seriously...with a 4 yr old and 2 yr old, it looks like Toys R Us exploded in here) and my classroom is kind of my sanctuary...the one place in my world where everything has a place and everything is in its place.  My co-teacher this year is a mess, organizationally, and one day during our planning time, I emptied out her cabinets and reorganized them for her.  She LOVED it and showed everyone how awesome I was, but seriously...

I need medication, don't I?

Fall Break

Ahh, the joys of being a teacher.  I am lucky enough to live in a county in Georgia that runs on the "modified year round" calendar, in which we get a week off after every six weeks of school, two weeks at Christmas, and eight weeks in the summer.  This means we get a Fall Break, a Thanksgiving Break (the whole week), two weeks at Christmas, a mid-winter break (week off in February), a Spring Break (a week off in April), and then summer vacation.  Nice.  Yes, we have to go back the first Monday in August, but to be honest?  I am ready to go back by that point.  Two or three weeks before then.

So anyway, here I am on Fall Break.  This is the first year in quite a while that I haven't been desperate for a break from school.  I am loving my job so much this year that I honestly could have kept going.  Other people I know were very stressed and needing a break, so I am glad we have it.  I love seeing the kids' faces when I wake up with them.  Hannah just giggles and bounces because she is so happy to see me, and Andrew says, "Mommy?  Is that you?  Are you staying with me ALL DAY???"  I love it.  I absolutely love that they are happy to have me home with them.  We aren't traveling, but we're doing plenty of fun stuff around here. Isn't that called a "stay-cation?"

Checking out the Beluga Whales

We went to the Georgia Aquarium yesterday and had a really good time.  We're really glad we had coupons though ($50 for all four of us and free parking, too!), because NO WAY would it have been worth the $90 (give or take some) it would have cost normally.  Sheesh.  Don't get me wrong...the kids had a BLAST and we made some great memories (and got some great pictures), but I'm good with going once every couple of years or so.  We have a couple of free animal refuge type places around here, so I think the zoo isn't as big a deal, since we see animals all the time.  We do not, however, get to see  fish so the aquarium is a much bigger deal to them.  The Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga, however, is the best one to visit.  Just my opinion.

Hannah trying to kiss the fish

Look mom!  A giant crab!

Andrew and Hannah had a ball seeing all the "crazy fish" and trying to catch them/kiss them/hold them, and I had a ball watching them see and learn and do new things.  Their joy and passion for life amazes me.  I wish I still had some of their innocence...

Later on this week we will likely go visit Dauset Trails (a park/animal refuge nearby) and then get some use out of our season passes to Zoo Atlanta this weekend.  We also have some home improvement type projects going on around the house.  All in all, this week should be a good one, and hopefully I will be able to return to my teaching job on Monday a refreshed and relaxed mommy. :)

Labor Days

Today is Labor Day.  Its been more than a week since I last posted, I think, but ohmygosh this week flew by!  I can't even remember what happened or why I was so busy, but here it is, Monday again, and there's so much bouncing around in my brain.

I have the day off today (yahoo!) and have spent a bit of time catching up on blogs and Facebook and this post from SRRM (If you don't read her blog, you SHOULD.  Go there. NOW.) got me all inspired to tell about my own personal Labor Days.

I am the proud mommy of two children here on earth, and two little angels in heaven.  Yes, I will always remember those two little ones and count them among my babies.  Maybe not out loud (not everyone wants to hear sad stories), but always in my heart.  My first Labor Day (October 1, 2004) came far too soon...only a week after discovering I was pregnant, actually...so it was fairly painless (physically) and lasted only a few short hours.  The significant emotional pain lasted well over a year, and even now rears its ugly head here and there.

I'm feeling MUCH better after an epi!

My second Labor Day (Feb. 24. 2006) brought Andrew into my life.  That day was a result of a lot of prayer, two months of Clomid (ah, fertility pills) and 12 weeks worth of Prometrium which magnified every possible pregnancy symptom I had.  I had gestational diabetes and developed gall stones, therefore had a very limited diet during that pregnancy.  I started to suffer from high blood pressure (not preeclampsia, just hypertension) and had to go on strict bedrest.  The day I gave birth, I weighed only 3 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight.  I went into labor around 2:30 am when I got up to pee and thought maybe I had wet myself.  Nope...that was my water breaking.  Chris took a nap, I started laundry, and around 6:30 am, we headed to the hospital.  (I have no idea why we waited so long, but oh well...we had a loooooong time yet to go, so I'm glad there was no hurry.)  Anyway, after 14 hrs (so @ 4:30 pm), I was finally ready to push.  I pushed.  And pushed.  And pushed.  And pushed.  For two hours and 17 minutes.

Andrew Lane, miracle #1!

Andrew got stuck in the birth canal for two reasons -- he had (still has) a very large head and was coming out face up.  We had to get out the vaccuum and suction the poor kid out at 6:47 pm. He had a conehead for a few days because of this.  He also had to go to the NICU for a couple of hours to monitor his blood sugar (because of my GD) and regulate his breathing.  We thought his newborn cry (more like a grunt) was the most adorable thing, but apparently that grunting is a signal of breathing difficulties, so he had to have oxygen for a little bit.  He has no problem with a conehead or breathing difficulties now (motormouth that he is!) so he is truly a little miracle.  I, on the other hand, felt like I'd been ripped to shreds.  I had to have multiple stitches due to tearing and couldn't sit comfortably for about a month.  Forget peeing...I would have a panic attack when I would feel the urge to pee because I knew how much that was gonna hurt.  Yikes.  Anyone who feels like they missed out on something special by not having a vaginal delivery can just put their minds at ease now.  Its not the amazing experience you might think.  Yes, having a baby in your arms is incredible, but holding your baby is awesome no matter how it happened.


My third Labor Day (January 16, 2007) had the same outcome as my first, but came about in a far different manner.  When Andrew was about 9 months old, I discovered I was pregnant.  I had been on "the patch" as a means of birth control, and obviously it had not been effective.  I was shocked and actually, quite sad, to realize I was expecting again.  We had no maternity insurance and had no idea where the money to pay for this pregnancy would come from.  We were new to the area so I had no OB/GYN yet and, while I knew that the only reason I stayed pregnant with Andrew was because of the Prometrium, no new OB was going to accept my word at face value, so there was no medical assistance there.  I had no spotting or bleeding and was actually feeling optimistic, as if my body really could get and stay pregnant on its own!  I finally settled on an OB, and went for my first ultrasound at 10 weeks 6 days.  I'd seen one tiny spot of blood the day before, but when it didn't continue, I pushed it out of my mind.  When we got settled and ready to see the baby, though, things changed.  There was a tiny baby, for sure...fingers, toes, everything plainly visible...but so perfectly still.  No heartbeat.  It was torture.  I sobbed and sobbed.  Chris was crying and asking God, "why???"  Since we had no insurance,  we opted to wait and see if I would miscarry naturally at home.  After a week, though, I was at my limit and couldn't take it anymore.  I couldn't emotionally handle carrying around a dead baby in my broken womb.  I got in to the doc's for a quick visit and another ultrasound (yes ma'am, your baby is still dead) and scheduled the D&C for the next morning.  A D&C (dilation and curretage) is an inpatient procedure where the doctor dilates your cervix and scrapes any foreign tissue out of the uterus.  Its a procedure used for many reasons, but in this instance, the doctor scraped my dead baby out of my body.  The emotional and physical pain was beyond anything I'd felt, and I'd already been through one miscarriage and one very difficult birth.


My fourth Labor Day came on June 28, 2008.  I was due to give birth to Hannah on July 6, 2008.  Andrew was born at 37 weeks 6 days, and at this point I was 38 weeks 6 days and thinking this girl would have to be induced to come out.  I had no GD or high blood pressure or any other complications, other than the constant morning sickness (gained 5 whole lbs this time!), thank God.  I did take Prometrium for 12 weeks, but maybe I would have been fine without it.  Who knows.  Anyway, it was summer break so I was out of school.  Andrew was 2 yrs 4 months old and wanting to play outside, but mommy was way too fat and tired for that.  It was about midnight when the first contractions came.  I thought they were more Braxton Hicks, since I'd been having those for quite a while, but they kept getting closer and stronger, so I told Chris to get ready.  We called our neighbor to come over and stay with Andrew while we drove to the hospital.  By the time we arrived I was already 4-5 cm dilated.  Woohoo!  I could get an epidural!  Ha.  I had to have a whole bag of IV fluids first, and that took for.ev.er.  By the time the anesthesiologist arrived I was about to rip my own head off.  Contractions suck.

Yep, that's my girl!

Anyway, he put in the epi but didn't turn it up enough because ohmygosh I could still feel the pain.  It was awful.  I finally convinced the nurse to get him back in there, and he turned it up enough for me to rest a bit.  I finally was 10 cm @ 12 hrs later (so around noon on the 28th), and started to push. And push.  And push some more.  Hannah didn't get stuck, but she refused to descend.  Every time I would push she would come down a little bit, but when I would take a breath, she would go back up.  Drama queen.  She started to show signs of distress and I was a wreck because when they broke my water there was meconium in it, and I knew how many complications that could cause...So when the doc mentioned a c-section I said "do it!"  I signed the consent at 1:55, we got in the OR (right across the hall) and Hannah was out at 2:01 pm, screaming her little head off.  She was healthy and beautiful.

Dude, I don't care.  Let me sleep.

We couldn't wait for Andrew to meet his little sister.  He was not impressed.  I do have to say, though, that in my experience, the c-section is the way to go!  I could sit, walk, and pee easily...It was amazing.  The only drawback was that I couldn't pick Andrew up for FOUR WEEKS, and he did not understand why I could hold "that thing" (as he called her) but not him. 

I don't think I've ever written all of this down before, and it feels kind of good...cathartic, in a way.  I have had four very different Labor Days in my lifetime, and I feel blessed for every one.  I have learned and changed through every situation, good or bad, and I have learned to appreciate the many, many blessings I do have in my life.  God has been so good to me.

The precious fruits of my Labor...

Preschool Time!

The kids started preschool this week!  Andrew started yesterday and Hannah started today.  He will go Tuesday through Friday and she will go Wednesdays & Thursdays (they both go from 9am-12noon).  They have both had a great time and no problems adjusting to getting back in the preschool routine.  I know Chris is happy having six hours a week all alone.  Its a lot of work parenting a 4-yr old and a 2-yr old, as everyone knows.   Andrew doesn't share a lot about school, but he did tell Chris that he got in trouble for talking.  I'm shocked.  Really.  Never thought my little motormouth might actually need to be asked to be quiet while the teacher is talking.  I mean, the kid never shuts up loves to tell everyone all about everything he is or ever has been interested in.  The teacher said he had a fabulous day, so I don't think he actually got "in trouble" but I totally believe they had to ask him to be quiet. 
Hannah had a ball, of course.  The girl has fun anywhere, as long as she is getting to do something she deems to be fun and is getting lots of attention.  Both of these criteria are met at preschool.  I mean, honestly, we could have tried to sign up Andrew for the state-funded preschool, but this little Methodist church has the BEST teachers and the BEST program.  Andrew can count to 20 in English and Spanish, and knows all his colors in English and Spanish as well...Hannah loves the kids, the teachers, the whole thing...Its just an ideal place for them.  We are big believers in their preschool program.
********
P.S.  Day 3 of Kelly's jury duty.  OHMYGOODNESS.  Had to email/call about 7 parents, I think.  Hopefully that will help the craziness.  Two more days until the week is over.  I think I can, I think I can...

The Infant Overlord

Hannah as a baby.

I guess Hannah is not as much of an infant overlord as a toddler overlord, being that she is two years old now, but wow.  Just...wow.  When I saw this picture I just couldn't help but think of my sweet baby girl.  As Lydia from Rants from Mommyland says about her mini-mini-me, this little girl is "a cupcake baked by the devil."  Sweet as all get out, but man, oh man, can she rage. 

Last night, for example, this was the conversation between Chris and I:

Chris (walking into the bathroom and spotting a bowl of carrots): "Umm, why are there carrots in the bathroom?"

Me:  "Because Hannah wanted them."

Chris: "Oh, I see."

Me:  "I know, I know...I'm just too weak.  If Hannah wants it, she gets it.  I'm just too weak to fight."
Chris:  "Oh, I know.  Believe me, I know."

You see, this little precious is what some might call opinionated, strong-willed...stubborn.  We were so spoiled by having Andrew come along first.  He was (and still is, for the most part) so mellow, easygoing...We were fooled into thinking we were awesome parents and could totally handle another kid. After all, we were expert parents.  BWAHAHAHAHA... 

Having Hannah in our lives has taught us many things, among which are the following:

• Its not about me.



Dear Lord, I love this child!

• Its not about Chris.
• Its not about Andrew.
• Clothing is always optional.
• When you think you're planning a fun family activity, go ahead and plan on not having fun.
• There are worse sounds than nails on a chalkboard.
• You can live through a year and a half of little to no sleep.
• Resistance is futile. If its not illegal, let her do it.

Hannah is not all bad, though.  She knows what she wants and goes after it.  I love that determination and will to succeed.  She will practice something over and over and over and...well, you get it.  She will master the skill she is focused on at that moment.  She is a go-getter and most definitely a people person (she can charm the pants off anyone!) and, as long as we guide her and help her focus these amazing traits towards benefiting herself and others, she will go far in life. 

My infant toddler overlord is demanding, yes, but she is so worth it.  I love this little cupcake (baked by the devil) to pieces and wouldn't take anything for her.  She has blessed my life even more than she has domineered it.  She has taught me so much more than I can ever teach her.  I can't imagine my life without her...and I'm not sure I want to try.

A Day That Will Live In Infamy

So today was my last day of summer vacation.  Tomorrow begins teacher pre-planning and the first day of school for students is on Monday.  I am actually looking forward to the beginning of a new year.  I love seeing the school supplies on display in the stores...I love the thought of a fresh start, new beginnings, new students...Its all very exciting to me and a lot of the reason I became a teacher.  Also, I love that I have summers off, along with a week-long break at the end of every six-week grading period at school.  Most days I can be home between 4:30 and 5 pm, so I get a few hours of quality  with the kiddos every day before they go to bed.  I love it.
Anyway, so tomorrow I head back to school.  Being that today was my last day of summer vacation, we decided to go to the zoo.  We have season passes and actually haven't gone at all this summer because we've either been out of town or its been too stinkin' hot.  We headed out the door @ 9 am and were looking forward to an awesome day.  Kids were in a good mood, we were in good moods, we were armed with sunscreen and bug spray (and plenty of snacks!)...all was well. 
We had a lot of fun at the zoo until we got to the World of Reptiles.  This is when Hannah decided she was tired of riding (she had walked a bit at first, then got in the stroller to ride awhile).  Well, when she saw things that interested her, she wanted to go check them out, of course.  One item on interest was a large statue of a komodo dragon that was in front of the World Of Reptiles.  Her interest in the komodo dragon statue wasn't a big deal, but the fact that she had to climb a few steps (with no railing) was a bigger deal.  She is quite stubborn, and decided she was going to master these stairs with no help from mommy.  Chris and Andrew were ready to go see the orangutans, but Hannah was more interested in these steps.  Instead of letting her practice for awhile, I decided we needed to move on.  MY BAD. 

She threw a hissy fit that would rival any I'd ever heard before. 

Anyone who knows us knows that when Hannah throws a hissy fit, Chris throws a hissy fit.  Andrew gets upset and starts crying because she is so upset and getting all the attention, Having this happen in the middle of the zoo was just.freakin.awesome, let me tell you.  Chris tried to get her to calm down but after several minutes was getting more and more frustrated, so I grabbed her and she immediately settled down.  We managed to get through the rest of the zoo without further tantrums from anyone.
We got in the car and headed home.  Hannah promptly fell asleep and Andrew was playing happily in the backseat asking his 4,286 "why" questions.  We stopped at Burger King because Andrew was saying he was so hungry.  All was well, we were almost home...Hannah was napping, Andrew was going to nap when we got home.  It was not over.  Not at all, my friends.

We pulled into the driveway at home, got all our things out of the car, and I had to ask..."Where are the babies?"  You see, the "babies" are Andrew's stuffed giraffe (I think it came from Kohl's once upon a time) and a little blue blankie with a bear's head attached.  Their names are Bobo (the blankie) and Burr (the giraffe).  And no, I do not know why those are their names.  Ask him.  Anyway, they are his prized possessions, his loveys that he has had since he was born...the items that MUST go everywhere with us no.matter.what. because they are his "precious" (as Gollum would say). 

Chris gives me this look that says, "OH.SCHMIDT.  You mean we don't have the babies???"  (No, he didn't say it, but the look said it all.)  Andrew looks between us and just knows.  The babies are not in the car.  They got left behind.  He starts bawling...his poor little heart is broken and I am hurting for him because he is so very upset.  I can't believe he didn't notice their absence during the entire.car.ride.home. and Chris is fuming because life is going to SUCK if the babies are not found.  We are just traumatized but Chris has the good sense to call the zoo just to see if, by chance, anyone found them and turned them in.  Well, God must really love us, because they.had.the.babies.  I immediately grabbed my keys, buckled Andrew in the car (because there was NO WAY he was gonna take a nap when his babies were out there all alone in the world) and headed back to the zoo.  It was so worth it.  All the way there he was so concerned.  His little face was so worried, and he kept telling me how much he missed them and was so glad they were found.

When he saw them again, his face lit up like the sun and he started running in circles out of pure joy.  I tried to get a picture, but he wouldn't sit still.  He kept telling me how scared he'd been and how very happy he was that Bobo and Burr were safe in his arms again.  Oh, that boy...I love him so much.  No matter how much he begs, though, those babies will NEVER leave the car. 

And now, because I know you must know what these precious babies look like...here is a picture that Andrew himself took of them (and a couple of other beloved "babies") long ago when they were much newer and not as "loved."  Bobo is the blue blankie thing in the middle and Burr is the larger giraffe on the left.

Perspective

Hannah LOVED the sprinklers
along the sides of the mat!

Last night, around 6 pm (because that's when the heat starts to subside a bit), we decided to go outside and play on the Slip-n-Slide we got last week at Toys R Us.  (It was on clearance for $5!  Woohoo!)
Hannah had been clingy and was starting to get a little cranky, so I was considering taking her up for her bath and getting her ready for bed a little earier than normal, but I am so glad I didn't.  We had so much fun playing outside.  Hannah loved the water, Andrew loved running around...Chris tried to show them how to run and slide on the mat, but they just enjoyed splashing around and getting wet. 

Andrew was running so fast I almost
couldn't get a picture!

Its times like these that make me realize how blessed I am.  Even when I am so stressed out and burned out and the kids are driving me crazy, there are moments like these that always make me "check myself" & realize just how good we have it. 

So, no more "Mommie Dearest."  From now on I want to be the best mommy I can be.  When the stress of tantrums or clinginess starts to get to me, maybe I'll just pull up these pictures and remind myself that its all worth it, and these days will be gone far too soon. 

Mommy Guilt

I must confess, I've been a bad mommy...at least, in my opinion.  Last night was awful.  I was so D.O.N.E. with Hannah's clinginess.  Not only does she have to be completely naked to use the potty (see this post for more details on that issue), but she has to be on my lap, in my arms, or within 12 inches and in possession of my complete, 100% devoted attention or else she will rage like nothing you've ever seen.  This is why I am ready for the school year to begin! 

So, anyway, Hannah was in my lap (naked) at dinner.  We attempted to watch Marley and Me while we ate. (Don't judge; seriously, dogs are Hannah's favorite things and I thought MAYBE it would give me a minute to eat in peace.  No chance.)  She eats her food and at least half of mine, and is grabbing my face, my hair, everything.  I have had enough, and it is bedtime anyway, so I take her upstairs.  We do the whole routine:  brush teeth, read the Spot books, rock...then the screaming begins.  I can't understand what she's asking for, but she's pointing to her crib, so I put her in it so she can either lie down or find what she wants so badly.  This makes her scream LOUDER.  This is where I turn into Joan Crawford (remember Mommie Dearest?).  I feel awful.  I raised my voice to her ("What on earth do you WANT?"), I gave up and stormed out of her room, slamming the door...I was horrible. 

Chris came up to see what was going on and he ended up rocking her.  She kept asking for me, though, and that made me feel even worse!  I didn't hit her or anything (and I never would) but oh.my.gosh.  The frustration was ridiculous.  I guess I just reached my limit.  Thank God I have a wonderful husband who always steps in just when I need him most.  I can't imagine having NO support, no rescue...

So, yeah.  That's my confession.  In the light of a new day, I realize she was just as frustrated as I was.  She obviously wanted/needed something and when I couldn't understand what she was saying, she lost it.  Then I lost it because SHE was losing it.  Bad, bad, bad.

Has anyone been there?  Please share your "mommie dearest" moments...Am I the only one who loses my cool with their kids now and then?

Potty Predicament

I admit it...I had it very easy with Andrew.  He didn't learn to use the potty until he was 3 yrs and 4 months old, but when he did, he learned within a couple of days.  We had accidents maybe once a day for 2-3 days, but the rest of the time, he's dry.  Love it. 

Hannah, however, is a totally different child.  (Duh.)  She has been interested in the potty for a very long time since she's been watching Andrew and observing his potty habits.  On her second birthday, she got a cute little pink potty which she adores (see pic).  For several days, she would go to the potty and use it successfully!  She knows what it is for, knows when she has to go, and will use it all through the day!  What's the problem, you ask?  Well, this only works if she is completely naked.  If she is wearing a diaper she will just use the diaper.  She refuses to put on big girl panties.  I guess I could force her to wear them, but I am too tired to fight her.  I let her go naked around the house but can't be confined all day every day until she figures out that wearing underwear is not painful or harmful.  I would love to have her trained before I go back to school.  We could definitely stand to save the money we waste on diapers...
Does anyone have any ideas for me?  Anything I can do?  Should I just FORCE her into the underwear?  Should I just let her be naked at home but wear diapers when we go out, travel, etc?  I don't want to confuse her, and I certainly want to encourage her efforts!  Please...I'm shamelessly begging for advice here.