Sick and Tired...

...of being sick and tired! 

Ugh!!

I should be grateful that I no longer have the intense throat pain, and my voice is slowly but surely coming back, and Andrew is so much better, thanks to the "pink stuff" (amoxicillin).

However.

Chris is now WORSE instead of better.  I'm not sure if he caught my sore throat virus or what, but he's miserable.  Hannah is running a fever and is just miserable...Poor thing doesn't appear to have pink eye, but there's some kind of green eye boogers that keep accumulating in the corner of her left eye, and she's coughing constantly...its just so pitiful.  She went to bed tonight at 6:30 pm.  She'll probably be awake at like 6 am, which will suck, but I just couldn't force her to stay up anymore.  Poor baby.  I feel like we did this to her...although I have no idea what other option there was.  We have no one closeby to call and say, "Hey, can you take Hannah for a few days so she doesn't get sick?"  Yeah, I don't think I know anyone who would be willing to do that.  I guess it was just inevitable for her to catch it.


As for me, I am better, but now the pain/congestion is no longer in my throat and chest...its in my nose and head.  Maybe it will find its way out soon.  Sigh.  I'm just so stinkin' sick of being sick.  Enough is enough.  For now, we are quarantined in our house and praying for the apocalypse.  I might make cookies or something while we wait to die.

Quarantine

So, if we're Facebook friends then you've surely read my fever-induced delirious rants about how everyone in my house is sick.  Except Hannah, but even she has a lingering cough from being sick a couple of weeks ago.  Sheesh.

Here's what's going on:

Me -- Strep throat, fever ranging from 100 at the lowest to 104 last night @ 2:30 am.  Got 5 shots at the doc's office today (2 antibiotic, 2 steroid, and 1 for pain).  Lost my voice...even whispering hurts like a mofo.

Chris -- ear infection (rare for adults), and bronchitis...also still kinda recovering from a brutal stomach bug a couple of days ago

Andrew -- picked up from school today because of ear pain...couldn't chew food or talk because the pain in his ear was so bad.  The school called @ 11:30ish so I sent Chris to pick him up and take themselves to the doctor.

We have four prescriptions for me, two for Chris, two for Andrew...our kitchen counter kinda looks like a pharmacy.  Hannah is still taking nighttime cough medicine because when she lies down, she coughs like crazy (sometimes until she throws up), so the medicine helps her little body get some rest.

Can we catch a break??  Please?
I'm seriously thinking about maybe getting a sister-wife (or brother-husband) just so there's someone around to take care of the kids and the house when BOTH adults are so sick.  Its times like this that seriously make me want to live closer to my parents.  Sigh.

Taking a Time Out

After being sick for more than two weeks, I finally cried "UNCLE."

I called my boss (principal) and told him I needed a few days to recover from the physical and mental stress.  He was so gracious and understanding (or at least he pretended to be), and said to take the three days I'd asked for.  I headed to the doctor yesterday and found out I was sicker than I thought!  It would seem that letting a cold and cough linger for two weeks is really not good for you.  Interesting.  Anyway, I ended up with FOUR shots* (3 of which landed in my hiney), a prescription for some heavy-duty cough medicine so I can actually SLEEP at night (imagine that!), and a Z-pack.  Nice.  I am already feeling better, but following my doctor's advice and staying home through Wednesday just so I can rest and fully recuperate.  Normally, I'd just keep on going 90-to-nothing and get sicker and sicker and...You get my point.

So, today is Day 2 of staying home.  I am trying to rest and work on my school stuff (part of the extreme mental stress I mentioned earlier) while the kids are in school.  When Hannah comes home at noon, I try to work on being a better mom to her and give her some quality time.  When we pick up Andrew from Kindergarten at 2:30-ish, I try to give him some QT as well.  Its all about balance, and I have been WAY out of balance for a long time.

Everybody gets off-balance sometimes!

I have been working so hard on being a good teacher and school employee that I've been giving my all to them, which does not leave much for my family.  That is so unfair to them.  I come home at the end of the day exhausted and physically unable to be the wife and mom I want to be.  I spend all weekend trying to hang in there and do fun stuff with the kids and Chris, when all I really want is a quiet hour to myself to de-stress.  I have been sick for so long that I come home and collapse and am pretty much useless.  Not good.  My house is in chaos, and my poor kids...The mommy guilt is overwhelming.  I know, I know...I have to work.  They understand.  They still love me and they know they are loved.  I just feel so very guilty about it all.

I don't know.  All I can say is that I am so grateful for this doctor's note that gives me permission to rest and get to a better place...not just physically, but mentally as well.

*For those of you wondering what was in those 4 shots...Here you go.  One was an antibiotic shot (since I suck at taking pills), one was a steroid shot (to help me feel better quicker), one was an anti-inflammatory (to help my lungs recover from the coughing, and one was a B12 shot (bloodwork shows that I have a MAJOR B12 deficiency).

Another Life Lesson from Andrew

I tell my kids I love them all.the.time.  They probably get tired of hearing it, but I don't really care.  Andrew has been having a really hard time emotionally (not sure what's up with him) so he's been disciplined a lot more than usual, and tonight after a bad tantrum, he just wanted to be held.  Of course I held and rocked him and let him know how much I loved him.

As I rocked him, I asked him if he knew that mommy loved him no matter what.  His answer made me stop rocking & singing and just think.  He looked me in the eyes and said, "I know you love me, but Mommy, do you love yourself?"

Ummm...

I didn't know how to answer.  I don't want to lie to my kid, so I said yes, I did, but that I love him more.  He told me that he loves himself just as much as he loves me.  That kid...I have already learned so much from him, but tonight he taught me a big lesson. 


Lord knows I need to work on my self-esteem and loving myself...That's just going to take a lot of self-talk that is encouraging vs. discouraging.  I need to believe what God tells me...that I am His child and He loves me just as I am.  I need to believe my husband and friends who tell me they love me and that I'm worth something instead of shrugging it off and falling into the self-deprecation cycle.  I probably to talk to someone and get through these issues so I can better get through these rough patches.

I read this post tonight on SDL's blog (check it out if you haven't!) and it hit me hard.  Not so much the "blaming men" part, although I think he has a point for sure, but seriously...all the self-talk that women do to themselves that makes us feel worthless?  Its ridiculous and needs to stop.  As Stuart Smalley would say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"

Mother.Of.The.Year.

That's me.  Mother of the flippin' year.  I swear, sometimes I feel so inadequate and ill-prepared for the challenges my kids bring to the table every day.  Andrew and Hannah have both been super-cranky and whiny with Chris since I returned to school on Wednesday.  This, in turn, leads him to be super-cranky and whiny.  Fun times.  Last night was baaaad.  He was frustrated, I was tired, and in expressing his frustration, he made comments about how *I* ruined their schedules, *I* ruined their eating habits, *I* have spoiled them rotten and left him to clean up my mess.

OK, maybe that's not what he said, but its what I heard.  I started all this self-talk that included a lot of beating myself up over stupid stuff that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

So anyway, this is where I kinda was proud of myself.  We've been sitting down and having 5 minutes of uninterrupted time together, just us (no TV, no computers, no kids, no music...just us, talking) and last night during that time, when Chris asked how I was doing, I told him.  I didn't wait for it to become a fight, I didn't let it fester until I exploded, I wasn't angry when I said it...I just told him.  I told him I felt like an awful mom, and yes, it was because many of the things he had said had come across more negative than he intended them to be.  At first he was defensive and thought I was being ridiculous because of course he didn't think I was a bad mom.  I think he finally realized that it didn't matter what he meant to say...it only mattered what I heard.  So anyway, he apologized and was very, very sorry for unknowingly making me feel that way.   I apologized for being oversensitive and all is well again.

 Don't get me wrong...I am still a very imperfect mom who makes a million mistakes a day, but hearing my kids tell me they love me, seeing their huge smiles when I come home from work, and hearing my husband reassure me that I am a good mama to his babies...That makes me feel better than any medication or chocolate in the world.