October 16, 2011

Frustrated

I am so frustrated.  And sad.  And mad.
I know its normal for couples to argue and get stressed out over stupid stuff, but it seems like its happening to us all.the.time.  I need a freaking break.  I need to get away from everything, but there's no way that's gonna happen. 
I do stupid stuff (like accidentally letting the cats outside) and Chris gets mad because he worries that they might get lost or hurt or something.  He says stuff he doesn't mean, and I say stuff I don't really mean...and its a vicious cycle that just goes on and on.
Ugh.  We probably need a date night or something, but that ain't gonna happen anytime soon.  The kids demand so much of our time and energy and we have NO ONE to help us out.  We are both exhausted all the time.  I work all day with 100+ sixth graders and come straight home to my own 3- and 5-year-olds.  Chris takes a break as soon as I walk in because he's tired and needs a break (duh -- He's been with Hannah since noon, and picked up Andrew at 2:30ish).  I usually don't get a break until after the kids are in bed.  By that time I am so tired I just want to sit down (or just go to bed so I can start all over again the next day).
Its frustrating.  Our marriage is suffering because we're so busy and tired and stressed out.  At this point, though, I would rather have time by myself than a date night with Chris.  We're not getting along so if I'm honest, I really would probably not enjoy a date night.  Right now everything I do annoys him, and everything he does annoys me.  That's horrible to say, but its true.
We should probably go back to counseling, but when?  When do we have the time?  Or energy?   
I don't know.  I'm just rambling...I can't bottle stuff up or else it comes out in an explosion later on, so that's all this is.  Any advice/opinions would be great.  Or even just a "Hey, I've been there.  You'll get through it." would be nice.



5 comments:

sweetcoalminer said...

Hugs!!! I'm so sorry. I have been there.

We cut out what isn't necessary, loosen rules, let things get messy, work on getting more sleep. Cory is so gracious and generous to me. He's recently added 10 hours/day to his work schedule, and Molly hardly naps and is clingy, so I get it. But he's home all day with Hannah, right? So maybe ask him what he can do to give himself some time during the day (tv for Hannah, playgroup, preschool) so you can have an hour when you get home.

Your note reminds me to be more generous. Every morning, I think, "I should get up and take care of everything and let Cory get some rest", but I never do it because I'm so tired, too. But I should, because kindness begets kindness. Also, sex even when you don't feel like it.

((hugs)) sorry. Wish I had more time. But sorry you're feeling this way. You're on empty and you need a refill. Also, when momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy.

Kathy McClellan said...

I totally feel for you. You're SO not alone. We're going through this, along with a lot of other friends I know. I think it's the age of the kids and where we are in our lives. There's no time for anything and the kids and demands are so stressful.

Counseling has been helping us a lot, along with breaks from each other. Can you get out and have a girls night with some other girlfriends? I have been doing that quite a bit and also giving Matt time to himself, and it really makes a huge difference. I am a lot less stressed and resentful when I can have that time just to be me, and not Mom/wife/cook/chauffer/etc.

Big (((hugs))).

Anna said...

THANK YOU, ladies! Ugh, its so hard. Andrew is in school and Hannah goes to preschool every day from 9-12, but still...His job as a stay-at-home dad is HARD. I know this. My job is hard, too, though. We have got to stop this "competition" over who's got the harder job and just be kind to each other.
Thanks again for the support. Its nice to know I'm not alone...no marriage is perfect, but every marriage can be better. I need to be kinder to him & to myself. A girls' night out sounds awesome. :)

sweetcoalminer said...

Sorry, that was such a rush. He added 10 hours/week, not per day. Geez!

Also, are you still doing Zumba? I still think you should ask him if he can get some of his "me" time while he's home. Guilt-free. Sometimes I say "f the dishes" or "f the laundry" and just watch netflix while Frank's at school (also for 3 hours, but more like 2 with dropoff and pickup and Molly in and out of car). And it's totally worth it. Can you ask him if he can indulge while she's at school? I know both your jobs are hard. You're awesome! Don't forget. :) Also, see if your church can do a "marriage course". Ours does it for 8-10w 3x per year. You pay $100 (and all the other couples do too), and it pays for childcare and spaghetti dinners one night every week, and you get 2 hours to eat dinner alone together (somewhere in the church). We haven't done it b/c of time & $$, but it sounds great! Sorry Anna.

Jessica said...

You are certainly not the only one who is experiencing that! Praying for you and Chris. I know it's not easy. Hang in there! Our pastor has a saying that Peter and I use often..."It's easier to act your way into a new way of feeling than to feel your way into a new way of acting." I would definitely encourage you guys to seek out some Godly marriage counseling and to make it a priority to spend time together w/out kids. I know that date nights can get really expensive so we have "couch dates" where we cook a fancier meal and sit and talk or just watch a movie together. You could try a babysitting co-op with some of your closest friends. Our small group does it once a month and we rotate houses. So one couple keeps all the kids while the other 4 couples go out and then we trade off each month. You don't have to pay for babysitters, you know you can trust who your kids are with and you also know they're having a great time with their friends! Hope that helps you in some way!!

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