So here we are on day 6 of the 30-day challenge. Its a new day and things are good this morning, but last night was bad. Five day into the challenge, I thought things were going well! Maybe a little too well. Should have known something was gonna happen soon if I didn't watch it.
Day 3's challenge was to acknowledge my husband's ability to meet my needs. Chris does a fantastic job of this. He is a stay-at-home dad, which is a tireless, thankless job but he is so good at it. The kids love him and know him, and I can't say that for a lot of families. Too many times the dad has to work so hard, such long hours, that he doesn't get to spend as much time with his kids as he might like. Sad, but true. Chris definitely meets their needs by being here with them, but he meets my needs by being their dad all day long. No one else in this world loves them as much as we do, so leaving them with him is an easy choice considering other less desirable daycare options. Chris meets my needs daily just by being here, being my partner and helper and supporter. I may be the one meeting the family's financial needs, but he is the one meeting so many other needs. Nancy Leigh DeMoss says in this day's challenge that, "ultimately, you can't expect your husband to make you feel more secure, loved, etc. Remember that only God can meet the deepest needs of your heart." This is so true. So many times I expect Chris to meet every need I have, and when he can't (because he's human and not God), I get disappointed or hurt, and that's when the breakdown begins. More on this later.
Day 4's challenge was easy...express gratitude for his job! Chris' job is not one that demands him to get up, get out the door and stay gone all day. He stays here and cares for our kiddos all day. But do I tell him often enough that I appreciate his willingness to do this? I believe I do. If anyone out there thinks I'm wrong, let me know! I try to say it, write it, and express it every day to him. I know how hard it is and I can't do it, so for him to do it...WOW. If I haven't said it yet today, Chris, I LOVE YOU and THANK YOU for staying home and being a full-time daddy!!
Day 5's challenge was to encourage or praise him to other people. I am probably guilty of falling into the trap of whining about husbands when I get together with a bunch of girlfriends. This is bad, bad, bad. Why do we do this?? Probably just a way to vent frustrations and get it all out without having to confront or address little issues with the guys. What we should do, however, is get together and talk about all the ways our husbands rock! Yeah, they are imperfect (aren't we all?) but they do so much more RIGHT than they do wrong. I know this is one major area I need to improve. I blog about how great he is, but for some reason telling him to his face is hard for me. Not sure why this is. I have been more vocal about his awesomeness at school, with the ladies I teach with...I plan on being more appreciative when with family, especially when he is with me.
Now for the tough part...Last night was bad. We went to dinner with the family (all 9 of us) and they suggested that, after the kids go to bed, Chris and I should go out alone and have a date night! I was tired, but Chris seemed excited so of course I said okay. It was 8:00 before we got out the door, which was late for lots of stuff except for maybe going to a movie, which we couldn't afford. Anyway, after being frustrated and exhausted too many things were said and misunderstood (or understood just fine but very hurtful) the night did NOT end well. We both went to bed mad and did not sleep well. We're fine now, but good grief...I shouldn't be surprised that every attempt to strengthen my marriage would cause some major testing and stretching, and of course I will fail now and then. Hopefully I have learned my lesson, though, and come out stronger on the other end!
If anyone is wondering what this is all about, click here for the scoop.