July 22, 2010

Random Mutterings

I'm feeling rather random today...can I do a random post?  Sure, why not?  There's only like two people reading this stuff anyway, and you guys don't care.

Today Chris and I had a few hours together ALONE.  Know what we did?  Went to his doctor appt (follow up w/the GI specialist regarding Chris' colonoscopy), had an early dinner at Chili's, then went to the grocery.  We were home by 6 pm.  Party animals, I tell you!

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I hate bedtime.  Seriously, I look forward to it and I am so glad once the kids are down, but man...the whole process is SO exhausting.  I lose my temper (or come really close) almost every day.  Andrew seems to wait until bathtime to go completely crazy.  He jumps on the bed, wants to fight anyone and anything, and is so goofy its unbelievable.  I know he is just trying to make himself hyper so he won't/can't sleep, but it.is.getting.on.my.last.nerve.

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I wonder if I need to get my doc to adjust my Zoloft dosage.  Thinking back on my recent blog posts, I have been super-stressed and tired and short-tempered with my kiddos.  Maybe I need to try a different happy pill?  I started taking Zoloft when Hannah was 6 weeks old (for PPD) and have been on it ever since.  I tried to wean myself off once, but then I wanted to kill myself so yeah...that was a massive FAIL.  I probably need to go talk to someone.  I actually got a referral to a couple of counseling agencies when I went through that whole withdrawal-suicidal thing, but haven't been to see anyone.  I feel so guilty asking Chris for more time away from him and the kids.  He stays with them full-time while I teach school and he often keeps them while I escape for "Girls' Night Out" at least once a month, so I feel terrible saying, "Oh, hey, by the way...I wanna go get counseling.  Can you be here w/the kids so I can go?"  I mean, of course he would be there.  He would totally support this.  I just feel like a giant TOOL asking him about it.  But, yeah, it would be better than, you know, snapping at my kids every night.  Sheesh.

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I am so excited about getting back to work next week.  Six more days!  We have three days of pre-planning and then school starts on Monday, the 2nd.  I will be co-teaching 6th grade math this year and I am looking forward to it.  The girl I will be teaching with is a fantastic teacher but has never co-taught before.  I hope working with me doesn't make her hate the entire idea of co-teaching.  I know someone that happened to.  They had a really sucky co-teacher and have sworn off the entire concept.  Its a shame, because she is a fabulous teacher and could be really effective in that kind of classroom setting...she just got paired with a slacker who didn't do his job. 

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Okay, I think that's enough rambling for tonight.  I need to go take my happy pill now.

2 comments:

anymommy said...

My husband and I have totally gone grocery shopping on our date night. And we enjoyed it! Hope you get your medication sorted out and feel better soon.

lirvin said...

I personally am a big fan of the counseling idea. A happy mommy makes for a happy family. If my PPD gets any worse, then I would definitely go to counseling and not feel a shred of guilty feelings about it. Whatever it takes for you to be your best for your family, to me, is the answer. Love ya!

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