September 9, 2010

Stupid Stuff People Say

Some people should have censor buttons.  Or just keep their mouths shut.  Either way, the rest of the world wins.  A fellow mommy blogger wrote today about a stupid comment she got and it got me all fired up thinking about all the stupid judgey (is that a word?) stuff people have said to me before.  The two that follow are two in particular that really get me going.

First, I will respond to the comment this mommy blogger received a while back.  Apparently, after an honest and heartfelt post which mentioned her miscarriage long ago, a woman (I won't say lady) told her that god (notice I did not capitalize)  killed her unborn baby because of some horrible decision (sin?) she had committed in her past.

I'll let that sink in a minute.

OK, now that you are probably feeling the same shock and anger I felt after reading this, I will let you know that my God loves me.  My God loves her and him and you and them and everyone in this world.  My God created us for a relationship with Him based on love, not punishment.  Her god (little g) needs to take a time-out and get over him/herself.  Really, though, her god does not exist because if she thinks she is talking about my God, she obviously doesn't know Him.  She obviously believes in some kind of system of legalism and penalty for sin instead of the mercy and grace the true God gives.  People like her give my God a bad name because they assume she must be talking about my God.  Argh!

Secondly, and this has nothing to do with God, but I once encountered a judgmental mommy who hurt me deeply.  Here's what happened:  I was in the middle of the baby section of Wal-Mart when I stopped to compliment her on her beautiful baby wrap (I was an avid babywearer when the kiddos were teeny tiny).  She thanked me and told me how convenient it was for getting things done, especially since she was nursing.  Andrew was with me and only @ a year old.  She asked how long I had nursed, and if I was still nursing.  I shared that I never was able to nurse due to a breast reduction surgery I had done when I was in college.  She turned hostile and told me that if I had known that I couldn't nurse my child then I never should have gotten pregnant.

Again, I will give you a moment.

Yeah, it hurt.  Deeply.  Only God knows the amount of pain and grief and guilt I felt the entire first year of Andrew's life because I was not able to breastfeed.  I was tormented, seriously, and I believe that guilt had a lot to do with the severe PPD I suffered from.  I was just getting to the point in my life where I was getting over it and believing that I had done the best I could and Andrew's funny, sweet, smart little self was going to be just fine, despite the lack of breastmilk.  When this happened, I spiraled into a depression all over again but God surrounded me with amazing friends and family and I was able to realize that people like this woman just need to keep their thoughts to themselves.  And how many times had I myself spoken too quickly, not considering how my words might be hurtful?

People say stupid things, for sure, but so do I.  I can't be responsible for the things other people say before thinking, but I can do better about it in my own life.  I am trying to think carefully and choose my words wisely.  Lord knows I do not want to be the one making some crazy mommy blog about how I hurt her feelings. :)


anymommy said...

Oh, that last line made me laugh. I agree one hundred percent, we all say things that cut someone else, often without realizing. I, too, will try to be better.

Thank you for your kind words and for your gentle perspective.

And, for the record, babies need their mother's love, attention, time and devotion. If they have those things, how they are fed milk is about as important as what they are wearing. That is the truth. I think what happens is that some moms are very insecure with their own decisions and putting others down make them feel better. In reality, we all make the best decisions for our own kids and they don't have to be the same. XO.

Anna said...

Thank you, anymommy!! Glad I could make you laugh. :) You're right -- insecurity does lead to most of these stupid comments. So glad to "know" you, if only in blogland! XOXO

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