Sigh...It gets better, right??

What a day.  After yesterday's meltdown, I went to bed @ 10 pm, hoping for a good night's sleep.  Not happening.  I woke up about an hour after turning out the light and commenced vomiting like I haven't vomited in a long, long time.  Fun.  Then the diarrhea hit.  Awesome.  It finally slacked off @ 2 am, but then I was so drained and crampy that I just couldn't rest.  Chris woke up around 6:30 am and I fell asleep then.  I woke up at 8:30 and was feeling better.  I ate some crackers and immediately felt nauseous again.  We had to go run some errands, and I made it through all that, thank God.  I ate some chicken noodle soup when we got home, and that did NOT go well.  I've been back in the bathroom ever since.  Ugh.

The kids have been whiny and fighting like crazy, too.  I'm sure that the nails-on-a-chalkboard sound of Andrew and Hannah both screaming and crying all day has not helped with my stomach's attempt to recover.  The sibling rivalry is killing me, y'all.  I have a book (somewhere) called Siblings Without Rivalry.  The title makes me laugh, but I am considering finding it and giving it a chance.  Can't make it any worse, right?  I mean, seriously...Intellectually, I know that these days will pass far too quickly and I should enjoy every minute with them while they are young and still *want* their mama.  I can't help but think there's something to be said for an older child who can wipe their own butt, get their own dinner/snack/drink, and entertain themselves for more than 5 minutes.  Sigh.  I've been having a few really negative days lately, and I seriously need to get a proper perspective back.

As I try to do that, let me share a really funny story.  Andrew and I were waiting to get his replacement glasses (remember how I broke a pair of his glasses the FIRST DAY we had them?) and as we were waiting, he started telling me he didn't really want the second pair.  He insisted he was never going to need the second pair so we should just save them for Hannah's babies.  I asked him exactly when these babies were going to be born...I mean, the girl is only three years old.  It is far too soon (and does really bad things to my heart and stomach) to talk about Hannah having babies.  Anyway, he said it would be a long time, but she was going to have two children.  One would be a boy named Friend Avery.  (Andrew has two Averys in his life.  One is a girl, his cousin, and one is a boy, his BFF.  He calls them Friend Avery and Cousin Avery so we can tell them apart.  Apparently Hannah's first son should be named after Andrew's BFF.)  The next child, he tells me, will be a girl named Brownie Girl.  (We have a kitten named Brownie, who is a boy.  Apparently it will be very important to name this baby girl Brownie Girl so we can distinguish the baby from the kitten.)

It amazes me how his little mind works.  I love having these little talks with him, and moments like those kinda sorta make all the chaos and headache worthwhile.

Tired.

*Disclaimer:  If you can't handle the brutal truth about those "bad mommy moments" that we all have (whether we admit it or not) and are going to judge me for the perhaps too-honest things I might say in this post, you might not want to keep reading.  I have GOT to vent some negative feelings somewhere, and this is my blog, so I can say what I want.  Don't like it?  Don't keep reading.  'Nuff said...You have been warned.

It has been one.of.those.days.  Not sure if its the 11 hr days that are getting to me, the constant fighting/crying since the kids got home yesterday, or just the fact that school is starting and the stress is at maximum level, but I am in one helluva mood.  I am so tired.  Sick AND tired.

*I'm tired of the kids' bedtime routine taking nearly two hours.
*I'm tired of my house constantly smelling like sh!t because I have six cats, one of who refuses to crap in the litter box, and one who refuses to cover its crap when it *does* use the litter box.
*I'm tired of picking sh!t up off the floor four times a day because of aforementioned cat who refuses to take a dump in the litter box.
*I'm tired of my floors being constantly covered in a layer of Georgia clay, no matter how often I sweep and mop.
*I'm tired of my feet being caked in dirt because of the Georgia clay that gets tracked in by anyone and everyone (but mostly I blame the dogs).
*I'm tired of my bed sheets being a brown color because of my dirty feet.
*I'm tired of picking up 2,485 toys every night because Hannah simply MUST have every.single.toy out in order to play with anything.
*I'm tired of losing my temper and yelling at Hannah every.single.night because she refuses to just go the eff to sleep!  
*I'm tired of my husband sleeping in the guest room every night because the Doberman insists on sleeping beside me and I'm too much of a wimp to kick her out of the bed.  (Plus, I snore, so...)
*I'm tired of feeling like the worst mommy in the world.

I have a feeling this is something my kids will make for me one day...

Heaving myself back on the wagon...

Back in January ( you know, the month of all those starry-eyed, well-intentioned New Years Resolutions), I committed to beginning and maintaining an exercise routine.  I did really well on beginning a routine!  I was going to Zumba twice a week and was spending time with Jillian on a daily basis, courtesy of the 30 Day Shred DVD.  It was great.  I felt better, my attitude was better, and I lost 15 lbs!

Maintaining the regimen, however, proved to be a way more difficult task.  I tried and tried, but my birthday happened, then April came (and with it, state testing time and MAJOR stress), and the workouts became a thing of the past.  Here it is, nearly August, and I have yet to haul my big ol' butt back onto the workout wagon.

Intellectually, I *know* how much better I feel when I work out, I know how much it helps my stress levels, and of course there's the added benefit of all my clothes fitting in a much more pleasing way...but when you're in the midst of the craziness and stress and just day-to-day life, its just.so.hard. to find the motivation.  This summer has been extra crazy because Hannah has been clingy (and I mean SUPER clingy...like, to the point where I was getting concerned that she was having emotional problems or something!  Fortunately I have some awesome friends who lie to me put my mind at ease and I feel confident its something she will grow out of.)  Anyway, her velcro-like attachment to me has been so physically and emotionally draining that, even when I get a minute to myself, I don't want to go upstairs and put Jillian in the DVD player...I just want to sit in a dark room with a cold rag over my eyes and enjoy the silence.

So, here's my point.  Now that school starts back on Monday, I feel like its the perfect time for a new beginning and a new commitment to take better care of myself.  Today is Friday and I've got Bunco tonight...LOVE Bunco nights (better than Zoloft!)...so I am looking forward to letting loose with my girlfriends tonight.  Next week, though, its back to work...and back to being BFF's with Jillian.  I would appreciate any and all accountability!  I figure if I post it here and someone, somewhere, actually reads it, maybe they will help me stay on track and not let me get sidetracked or make excuses.  I am basically asking for someone to kick my butt when I need it so I don't give up and let the stress get this out of control again.  :)  Thanks!

Grumpy Day

Today has been one.of.those.days.

Not sure why, other than the fact that Hannah was up and down from 5 am until 6:30, when I finally gave up and let her stay up (and I am EXHAUSTED).  Maybe PMS?  Hmm.  Don't know.  All I know is, I think I set a record for the number of curse words running through my mind all day long.  Amazing how many times the F word can enter one's mind.  At least I didn't let it fly out of my mouth!  That's something...

The day started EARLY, of course, and by 9 am we were at the Kelleytown Kids consignment sale.  That was fun!  Along with some cute fall clothes and a couple of bags of cheap toys, we got Hannah a new carseat.  I think the reason she's been so resistant to getting in her seat is because the straps were too small.  The girl has been growing and I didn't even realize her seat was probably getting uncomfortable!  We got her a booster seat with the high back and she is SO much more comfortable and fits so much better in it.  She loved it and I'm hoping for no more battles about getting in the car, now that she has a seat that's not too small.  Sheesh.  I can't believe I didn't notice this beforehand.

Besides the car seat, we also picked up a bike with training wheels for Andrew.  We have a bike (handed down from a cousin) but its still too tall for our short little boy.  This one fit him perfectly and had a matching helmet, so he is excited about it.  I'm hoping he will be interested in learning how to ride, now that he has an appropriately-sized bike.

image from Rants from Mommyland

After getting home from the sale,  the kids and I came home for lunch and a rest.  Chris had errands to run, so it was just me and them.  Don't know if anyone has heard me say it yet but Hannah has been my little hemorrhoid for the summer (always up my butt!) and it.is.driving.me.crazy.  I just need a little space.  This was already a grumpy day, so between Andrew's whining and Hannah's clinginess, I LOST IT.  I completely lost my schmidt.  In case you don't read the amazing, hilarious, awesome blog Rants from Mommyland, there is a whole "Mommy's Losing Her Schmidt" threat level advisory system.  I totally need to print it out and post it (preferably on every door in my house) because the kids did NOT see the warning signs and when I lost it, they were in shock.

I told them (in a loud, firm voice) that I was tired of the whining.  I was tired of being told "no" every.single.time I made any kind of request.  I was tired of being ignored and having to give directions five times before they even noticed I was talking.  They were sent to separate couches for a time out.  No TV, no toys, just quiet time on the couch.  I am proud that I didn't resort to spanking them or yelling, but I did kinda slip over the edge there and I feel guilty about it.  GAH.  Motherhood is HARD.

So anyway, when Chris got home I totally went upstairs and crashed for three hours.  Still grumpy.  Hoping tomorrow I wake up on the right side of the bed.  I only have three more days before I head back to work, and I don't want to spend them all pissed off.

Pray for me, y'all...or maybe just pray for my hubby & kids!

Its About Time!

So much has gone wrong lately...Over the past few months, we've had to deal with appliances dying and needing to be replaced, our beloved cat getting sick and dying, and of course all of Andrew's issues with his eyes and ears.  Fortunately, my bargain hunter of a husband helped us find the best deals on a new microwave and, most recently, a new washing machine!  We just got a washer (HE!  Fancy!) from Home Depot for only $150!  We just today had to buy a new digital camera because our camera decided to die on us.  (And I am NOT one who can live for very long without taking pictures of my kids or pets!)  I am *so* blessed to have an internet-savvy husband who knows the best sites to get the best deals when these things happen...so even when they all happen at the same time, its not as hard (financially speaking) to take care of things.

Kitty B was home with us for 10 days after leaving the vet hospital.  We had to syringe-feed her and take care of her every need, since she never regained the ability to walk. I always knew diabetes would kill her one day, but I wasn't expecting it so soon.  We loved her like our own child, and she was a huge part of our lives for more than 13 years.  Chris was with her when she died (as it should be), and he came to wake me at 4:30 am when she passed.  We had some time alone with her before the kids woke up and we had to break the news to them.  They were so sweet and helped us bury her properly, right next to Toby, our cat who passed away a year and a half ago. The kids, the four kittens, our other two adult cats, and our two dogs have brought so much comfort to us and made us grateful for all the joy in our lives.

As far as Andrew's issues...if you've read my blog (or Facebook status updates), you might know that our state requires eye, ear, and dental checkups before enrolling for kindergarten.  When we went to get this done, we discovered major issues with Andrew's eyes and ears.  He failed his hearing test twice, and when we took him to the first eye doctor, he referred us to a specialist because of his special eye issues.  Fortunately, the dental exam went great (no cavities)!

I posted last week about Andrew's eye appt with the specialist...In case you didn't see what happened, you can read about it here.  We hope to get his new glasses sometime later this week.  He picked up some really cool frames and he's excited to get them. 

Today Andrew had his third hearing test.  He failed the first test at the pediatrician's office and was referred to an audiologist that works with the kids in the school system here.  He failed the test he took there and was referred back to the ped for antibiotics since there was evidence of fluid in his ears.  We were told to return 4-6 weeks after finishing the antibiotics, which we did.  Fortunately, everything was perfect today and he passed with flying colors!  Whew!

Like I said, it was about time for some good news!  How about you all?  What good stuff has happened in your lives lately?

Crazy Days of Summer

Its that time of year again...Just over a month into summer break and I'm starting to itch to get out of the house and get back to work.  I know, I know, some most people would say I'm crazy for feeling this way, but I really think that if they were in my shoes they might change their tune.  None of my friends have husbands that are stay-at-home dads, so no one else I know gets to go home and endure enjoy 24/7 togetherness with their husbands and kids.  That's ALL DAY, EVERY DAY people.

Don't get me wrong:  I love my husband and I love my kids.  Being a stay-at-home dad has been great for our family and we've been blessed to be able to afford one parent staying home with the kiddos, but it is wearing on him.  This is definitely not Chris' "calling."  He gets frustrated and wants to go back to work, and I hope he is able to do so very soon.  I mess everything up as far as routines go (since they're used to having one parent in charge and now there's two...) so it causes a lot of conflict and "adjustment" and its just hard.  The kids do better (and we get along so much better) when we have some time and space apart.  I know for a fact I am a much better mommy and wife when I get out and get to do what I love.  Maybe I need to line up a tutoring job or something. :)

So, anyway...Today has been ROUGH and I feel like my nerves are just shot.  All day long I've felt like I've been on the edge of a knife and I've been struggling to keep it together all day long.  Probably has something to do with the fact that our beloved kitty is so sick and its kinda like taking care of a newborn...sleepless nights and pure exhaustion.  Oh, and I decided to try weaning myself from Zoloft this summer.  Ha!  I'll be taking some tonight, for sure.

I'm thinking maybe summer is NOT the time to test my ability to maintain my sanity without Zoloft.  I feel much better, physically and emotionally, when I am working.  Maybe I will try again once I get back in the swing of things.  Only 18 more days until teachers go back for pre-planning!  (Shut up, I know I'm nuts.)

Anisometropia

Before you look at the title of this post and wonder if I've started speaking in tongues, let me say that this (anisometropia) is an eye condition.  More specifically, this is Andrew's eye condition.  We went to the pediatric eye specialist today, whose office is more than an hour away (yes, we got up with the chickens and had to WAKE THE KIDS -- a cardinal sin in our house -- leaving the house before 7 am in order to get there for our 8:10 appt) and  he was awesome.  LOVE this doctor.

Andrew was very cooperative and was having fun with all the gadgets the doc had, and we quickly determined that Andrew is colorblind and has a very weak right eye.  In order to see what the deal was with his right eye, we had to dilate his eyes (that was NOT fun) and let the doc do a more intensive eye exam.  Turns out he has this condition, anisometropia. What's that?  You don't know what that is?  Well, here you go!  This is a brief synopsis from the sheet the doc gave us:

...instead of the two eyes each having the same amount of nearsightedness or farsightedness, one eye has a greater amount than the other.  Greater amounts of anisometropia make it very difficult for children to use their eyes together because the eyes are out of balance with each other.  The children will depend on the better eye, and will tend not to want to use the other eye...Sometimes, children with anisometropia will develop amblyopia, or decreased vision, in one eye.  Wearing the glasses helps improve the vision, but often patching the eye with the better vision is needed to help the vision improve in the better eye.

SO.  What I got out of this is that the glasses he will be wearing are corrective...meaning that once his eyes get balanced out, he may not need glasses anymore.  Yay!  On the other hand, if his eyes do not balance out with the use of the glasses, we may need to get a patch for his good eye in order to force him to use the weak eye, making it stronger.  Personally, I am hoping for the former.  As much as I love pirates, I would prefer to not have to make my kiddo wear a patch over his eye for any length of time.

I am very encouraged and feeling so blessed to have access to such amazing medical care and technology.  I can't wait to see Andrew in his glasses...He's gonna be so handsome!  Believe me, there will be pics as soon as I get some!!

Pretty Kitty B

Kitty B, for those who might not know, is our first "baby."  Chris adopted Kitty B from the animal shelter one July 5, 1998, exactly one year before the two of us laid eyes on each other.  He likes to joke (well, I *hope* he's joking) that he loves Kitty B more than me because he's known her longer.  Can't say that I blame him...she is so very pretty, and loves to snuggle at night.  She's a great cat.

Kitty B has suffered from diabetes for over three years now.  She takes insulin injections daily and, so far, has done pretty well with it.  She's somewhere between fourteen and fifteen years old, though, so I'm sure her age is making it harder and harder for her blood sugar to stay under control, which means we never know if the insulin is the right dosage or not.

Chris and I went away for a short trip to Florida this week.  We left Wednesday morning and planned to return on Saturday.  Late Thursday night, however, we got a call from our petsitter.  She hadn't seen Kitty B for several hours (not unusual at all!) but when she went looking for her at bedtime, she found Kitty B in our bathroom. She was unable to walk or eat, and was having seizures.  We figured out her blood sugar had plummeted (most likely because she was still getting the insulin injections, but probably not eating as much -- or at all -- since we'd been away from home) and she was having some kind of hypoglycemic attack...she was basically in a diabetic coma.  Unfortunately, if a cat's blood sugar is too low for too long, it can cause neurological damage.  We told our petsitter to find the corn syrup and rub it on her gums.  She did this for hours despite no improvement from Kitty B.  We left Jacksonville as soon as we got up on Friday morning.  Fortunately, our very good friends were able to go to our house, pick Kitty B up and take her to the vet.  I had called the vet so they knew to expect her and what was going on.  As soon as we got back in town, we went to the veterinary hospital. 

Kitty B is blind, and cannot walk or eat on her own yet.  Its been three days now, and she is still being fed through a syringe and kept on an IV to maintain fluids.  Her blood sugar has been perfect since she was brought in.  If not for our petsitter, she surely would have died.  She is now able to hold her head up and she certainly responds to our voices when we visit her.  We are able to hold her and cuddle her and comfort her as much as we want when we go over there.  She is not in any pain at all.

We are hoping to bring her home today, because there will be no vet on duty over the 4th of July weekend.  We will have to help her stay clean, feed her through a syringe, and keep her separated from the kids and other pets, but we're hoping that she will improve by being home.  Apparently it can take up to three weeks for a cat to fully recover so we plan to give her a full three weeks to see how/if she improves.  We cannot afford to keep her at the vet hospital all that time, so we are praying that God either heals her or takes her peacefully, without pain, so that we don't have to make any hard decisions. 

I know some people probably think, "Its just a cat.  What's the big deal?"  To those people, I say this:  Our pets are family to us.  Kitty B was with us for eight years before Andrew came along.  She is our baby, and she means the world to us.  We pray for her and care about her just as much as we love Andrew & Hannah.  She's our pretty princess!